The Universe, Inc.
Dear Board of Directors:
Please accept this letter as my official resignation from the position of Perfectionist Writer. I have enjoyed the time I’ve spent here. It’s been an enlightening position. However, I feel I’ve learned all I can from it.
There’s another position, one down in the mailroom in the basement, that I think is going to suit me much better. I’d like to officially request a transfer to the position of story clerk. Apparently, there are hours and hours of stories down there, provided by muses, that need to be transcribed.
As I understand it, there’s very little work involved. I’ve heard that the muses know what to do and the stories know where to go, and the characters tell you exactly what to write. This sounds like a position I’m much better suited for.
Please understand, it’s not that I’m lazy. I did enjoy the ruthless work ethic and punishing discipline of being the Perfectionist Writer, but I’ve discovered that I’m just not good at it, and I’d much rather do a simple position very well, than a very prestigious one not at all.
I’ll miss the ambience up here–the view, the leather chair, the massive desk, the heady feeling of superiority–but I hear that down there they have beanbags, great music, and an endless supply of green tea and Milk Duds.
Since perfection will no longer be a qualification for my work product, I understand that I am no longer required to write brilliantly, elegantly, or even well. Apparently, the stories themselves are none of my business, really, and I can control neither what the muses dictate to me, nor how they are received in the world. I know that this may sting a bit–after all, I won’t be able to take credit for the really great bits of literary brilliance, but I’m happy to hand the credit over to the muses, particularly if that means I can just sit in my beanbag and write freely, without judgment.
If it’s all right, I’d like to start as soon as possible. Would today be acceptable? You don’t need to worry about issuing me a uniform. I have my own pajamas. And I understand that the uplink to listen to the muses will be provided once I show up to work, is that correct?
Thank you again for the opportunity to learn from this wonderful place of employment. I’m happy to continue to contribute; I only wish to change the nature of my contribution. I look forward to many more years of employment and opportunity within this wonderful and exciting company.
Writer and Storyteller